How do you tell a woman who’s being abused to leave her husband?
Is there a special way to approach a woman who’s being abused? I know a man who’s abusing his wife and children, physically and mentally. What can I do to get her to listen to reason? Is there a special way to approach this? I’ve talked to her about it several times already and need something that will work. Is there a more effective way to get her to understand?
He’s had CPS called on him twice already. If I call I think the children will be taken away…which might be a good thing.
July 27th, 2010 at 8:48 am
Not really….you could send social services over to check on the welfare of the kids. That may shake her up somewhat. She could be in such terror that she cannot protect them…so it is in societies interest to ensure safety. If you know whats going on…tell the appropriate authorities and try to stay out of it…except for support for her. Dont let on you told or you will lose the friendship.
July 27th, 2010 at 8:57 am
I don’t believe she will “understand” no matter what you say. There is a very big and strong denial that goes on in situations like that. There is even a theory among those who help abused women, and among abused women themselves, that they select a man who will abuse them, and when they leave him, they will select another…
Nor is it, necessarily, up to you to “tell” her to leave her husband. That’s her choice, not yours, despite what you see.
However, if you believe the children are being physically abused by this man, you certainly can make a call to your state/provincial/local children’s protective service agency. If this woman has one or more of her children removed, because of (or even on suspicion of) abuse…that may be a kind of wake-up call for her.
Even so…denial is strong, and abused women (as well as abused children) side with the abuser.
I know whereof I speak. I was in charge of emergency services for our state children-and-families agency, and supervisor of foster care and adoption. I have two certificates in sexual abuse counseling from the state as well, and have worked extensively with area abuse centers and shelters.
– Dr. Bob, Adlerian Psychologist
July 27th, 2010 at 9:08 am
some women dont want to admit to abuse they want to give an excuse for it. it happens every day to thousands of women. your best bet is that you would probably want to seek professional help on that. Find a battered womens shelter and see if you can get someone professional to help. Thats the only thing i can think of right now…
hope it helps
July 27th, 2010 at 9:39 am
If this woman is in denile enough to stay with her husband, that is one thing, that’s unfortunately her own choice, but it is not for her to make that same decision for those children! You need to tell her that you are ready to call social services or just call them because the longer you wait, one of those children could wind up seriously hurt or even dead! Actually, I wouldn’t even bother telling her because she might still not do anything, and if she knows, that info might leak to the husband. He will not be happy to know someone called social services on him and who knows what he’s capable of! So don’t let her know it was you. Just make a request that the authorities keep it anonymous, which they will no doubt do.
July 27th, 2010 at 10:37 am
Sadly, the Doc is right in regards to the wife, it is she who must make the emotional break, But..as for the children involved~~~ IF you are aware of these children being abused, WHY have YOU not reached out for a helping hand on their behalf? Do they have any positive role models in their immediate family that you’re aware of? If not, calling CPS is your DUTY {if you’re aware of any child being abused} Something tells me you’re well aware due to the desperate nature of your question….and your persistence in this matter emits a caring person..I’m sorry to say there are seldom any gentle ways to address abuses..Abusers hurt everyone involved My BEST to YOU..